Owie
I've not been having a good time. Something particularly upsetting happened that I have no control over, and the grief as a result Is indescribable. I've never been someone who mourns well, not just that I mourn In an unhealthy manner, but that I struggle to do anything about my grief In a way that could be considered mourning at all.
It's hard to mourn when the variables lay uncertain, that the thing or even the person you mourn Isn't confirmed to be In any comprehensible state of being. When you lack information, your brain clings to It and tortures you with the only thing you do know; you know nothing.
It's debilitating, and I've been having a hard time doing anything other then isolating and participating In generally unhealthy habits.
I know I need to be strong, and that my vulnerability coexists with that. But the fear of being seen Is overwhelming, and I simply have no one to talk to about this situation. I feel a bit like a skittish animal.
This ambiguous loss Is a layered and melancholic physiological sensation that no matter how poetically described, and no matter how shared It Is with others, I simply wish to rip It off like a band-aid. I just hope they're okay.
